Morbid blog I know but, i feel as though I need to type it out… although today has been a celebration of my sister turning 16, it has been slightly overshadowed by my Nan’s biopsy results….an aggressive form of cancer.
Admittedly she has done extremely well, she’s 89 Monday and has been cancer free for 34 years! She is also independent and still does most things for herself so I know she has done well for her age and beaten the odds, in a way it takes the edge off, but its slowly starting to sink in… I’ve seen my other Nan slowly deteriorate from bone cancer, so I know what is coming, yet I’m not sure how I feel about it.
I feel as though, in a way, its ok, I know she has had a good life, obviously there’s the sad element, no one wants to watch someone have the life sucked from them an obviously no one wants to loose someone they love, but despite all of this, I feel nothing. Granted this isn’t a new feeling for me, but I feel as though I need to let something out, tears maybe? But I don’t ‘feel’ it, I’m just robotically carrying on as if everything is normal, except I’m unsure exactly what to do and how to feel, unsure how to act around my family and unsure what to say, I’m just doing what I do best and shutting emotions out so I can support those closest to me.