Letter to my 13 year old self…

Dear 13 year old me,

You may be your usual pessimistic self with your whacky rock phases playing air guitar to Avril Lavigne and Busted but trust me you get stronger and although life is still hard, you’re still young. 

Teenagers often get a bad rep and for the first couple of years you won’t understand why until puberty fully takes its hold and makes you feel ill everyday for the next few years, you will feel bad because you’re sister who looks up to you wont understand and it will hurt when she calls you boring. You will also feel annoyed by your parents because they’ll tell you too snap out of this seemingly grumpy mood you’re in. I do agree, although it’s hard I promise you won’t throw up and sometimes throwing yourself into things will help. 

At 16 your world will feel like it’s crumbling around you, yes people will still not have faith in you and will make a point to go out of their way to make school life hell. You will start to bottle everything up with your outlet being the arguments with your parents. You will feel even worse after but each time you will think your response in your head in the most sarcastic and vicious tone you can think of. You will curse your classmates for making them feel the way you do, get you will keep this ever growing ball of energy spinning around and around inside you. 

As time goes on you will be upset with your GCSE’s, you thought you could do it…..you obviously couldn’t…but don’t worry you have only ever needed to use them to get into college which you do. 

College will be no smooth ride, as expected you struggle to make people believe in you, but really you just don’t believe in yourself, easier said than done I know! You will have your first relationship and break up and you’ll act like a complete freak as you don’t want to lose the only escape you had. 

To you life at home will suck and this will knock you down again and again and again, each time you will dust yourself off but each time there will be something that takes a piece of your spirit out of you. Maybe it’s just you making life bad? 

University is again a rocky road with more downs than ups and by this point all that emotional energy you have bottled up makes you a ticking time bomb, little things stress and frustrate you, you overreact and realise that you have become the tough person on the outside that you were trying to be. What’s really happening is that anxiety is eating you up and you don’t know what to do to fix it, it will be an ongoing issue and 21 (almost) year old me still has no clue. 

It all sounds pretty negative huh? 

Maybe but you gain a boyfriend who has been your best friend since college, you are happy with him and like all relationships there are downs but the ups out way them by far! Eventually you will be able to acknowledge that the wall you built up needs to come crashing down, but maybe not all at once, instead my advice to you is to let the one you love chip away at it piece by piece, you may be scared of breaking down and that all that emotion will come flooding in but please persevere as you owe it to him. 

I want to tell you that you are the most determined and stubborn person the world has ever seen, you refuse to get knocked down and even if it seems your ready to give up, you will always pick yourself up and come back fighting. I only wish that I could have started sooner! 

Stay strong, things aren’t as bad as they seem. .. 

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