I have never in my life hated my anxiety as much as I have now.
As you guys know I was both nervous and extremely excited to start my new job. To me it was my dream job, I was so happy and despite all the reading me and another women was having to do we were enjoying the first couple of days of our two week training and I even received a hug from one of the girls when we met them! It meant a lot to me and made me all the more excited.
On the third day we had were included in a meeting which was apparently a rare thing for trainees to be included in. The meeting revolved around some of the staff members choosing a girl to talk about how they feel. There were some very heavy comments and emotions involved, none of which I was thinking which started to make me nervous and a bit anxious. I wasnt required to say anything so I sat still, with the exception of my leg which decided to twitch at 100 miles an hour.
A couple of hours later I found out that I had lost my job. 2 and a half days in and they let me go because I was anxious during that meeting.
I’m so upset because I know in myself that I would of been more than capable of looking after and dealing with the girls. I don’t think that in a room full of strangers and people who have been with the girls for a long period of time that being anxious is unreasonable! Is this just me?
I feel as though when the women spoke to me afterwards and I told her the truth that I did feel anxious went against me and now I regret saying anything, I wish I would’ve lied, I wish I still had my job.
I’m trying to stay positive about it but at the moment I feel a bit useless, they told me to ‘work on myself’……. I feel like i’ve been chucked under a bus, luckily my landlord has let me stay rent free as long as i’m actively looking for a job which is lovely of him but I feel like such an inconvenience to everyone. Fed up is an understatement right now.