Projections are a powerful thing…

I am almost a month into working with troubled children and have recently realised the level of empathy I have towards them and what they are going through. It has made me realise that I have never dealt with my own problems I just ignored them and although I was feeling more positive with life this feeling has made me realise that I do need to sort my own crap out and I do need to deal with it in a better way.

My problem now is that I have no idea what to do with any of it! As a result of this and being around the children I am slowly going back to an old defense of just not feeling anything which is so automatic I don’t realise its happening. I discard myself and focus on whatever I need to do and the children and staff. It’s a strange feeling as I feel like I am and should be one of the children, yet I know i’m not and I don’t want to be!

This line of work really makes you realise how vulnerable and fragile the human mind is but at the same time this is an empowering thing, knowing why someone does the things they do, knowing why you are doing the things you are doing and learning how to help the children and others manage them. Every shift there is always a new emotion that you feel and you hold onto all these emotions for them because they can’t. When I first started I never fully grasped the concept of projections but three weeks later i’m beginning to understand it on a ore intense level. It makes you realise how that in order to help others you do need to help yourself, there is always someone there who will listen and help you, you’ve just got to look in the right places and work out what you need to change and what only you can change instead of sitting there hoping someone will come along and change it for you…

 

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