Being in a Relationship with Anxiety…

Those of you who have anxiety will already know how hard it is to live with it and yourself on a daily basis, but what happens when you combine that with a relationship?

As someone with high anxiety I can tell you it is pretty hard! I am fortunate enough to have a partner who understands me, the way I think and how I feel. Yet still, it is a struggle. You constantly feel like everything’s your fault yet you still continue to act the way you do and constantly question why? Why do I keep doing this. For this there is no clear answer or solution. I know I come across as being annoyed at my partner if every single moment of spare time isn’t spent with me, yet the rational side of me appreciates the fact that a lot of time is actually spent with me and with me being around more at the moment he rarely gets anytime for himself.

The rational side of me can really appreciate the fact that he doesn’t complain once and constantly stays loyal by my side, dealing with whatever I may throw at him, calming me down when I’m getting stressed – which can I just say is my state 98% of the time! I feel horrible when I get on at him and cause an argument because he doesn’t deserve it in any way, shape or form.

Yet I still carry on at him, all the time. The problem with having such an understanding partner is that they then become an outlet for how you are feeling and because most of the time this is stressed and frustrated that’s what they get, because at the end of the day they stick around and they stay there, don’t they?

I am becoming increasingly worried that at some point in the near future, something will snap and with that so will my relationship. I’m petrified that he will leave me because he’s had enough of the way I am. Although he says he isn’t going anywhere the anxiety in my head is saying, won’t he? Constantly convincing me otherwise.

I have made a promise to both him and myself that I am going to try harder to give him the space he needs and to stop constantly taking the way I feel out on him. I need him to know that he and everything he does is appreciated, he is my best friend and the person I love and I need to start trying to help myself for him.

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6 thoughts on “Being in a Relationship with Anxiety…

  1. Wow I am so glad I came across this post. I do exactly the same to my boyfriend and I can’t help myself even though I know it’s not fair. I can completely relate to this. Thank you for sharing it with us. I’m following you so I can read more.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much πŸ™‚ it isn’t fair yet it’s so hard to stop yourself! Thank you so much for your support πŸ™‚ I shall do the same! I post all my stuff on Twitter too if you’re on there πŸ™‚

      Liked by 1 person

  2. Hi there,

    Sorry for the essay ahead but I see so much of my younger self in your story and had to share my experience/advice in the hope that it helps you too.

    I’ve had anxiety and suffered from panic attacks for many years. I’ve been treated very badly by ex-boyfriends when it comes to my mental health, and one made me feel so ridiculously horrible that when he dumped me I became a recluse for months and lost every ounce of confidence. I vowed to never let that happen again, which I haven’t.

    I’m currently on a bit of a good cycle and part of that is having a very understanding boyfriend too who I’m really comfortable with despite only being together for around four months. I used to be petrified of losing people too, and have experienced that a few times over with ex-boyfriends and even friends. I used to get really down and depressed when they ended things with me. But now I have forced myself to draw a line under that.

    If my boyfriend dumped me tomorrow, although I’d be upset I know I wouldn’t be in a complete state of depression like I used to experience during a break-up. That’s not to say I don’t like him as much as the others – I actually like him more. I’ve just learnt that living each day being afraid of losing him can eventually impact the relationship.

    As soon as I learnt to accept that the worst could happen, but that I always get over it and move on as a stronger person, then things became so much easier. Things that I used to do to boyfriends that pushed them away are now in the past. I’m so chilled and laid back in my current relationship I’m wondering whether it’s the same person!!

    Looking at your story it sounds like your fear could be causing the arguments and the need to be with him a lot. So my advice to you, although it sounds horrible, is that you need to get over the fear and realise that the worst could happen. We’ve all just fallen out of love with someone at some point, and it’s usually not their fault, your feelings just change. But realise that if it does happen then you have all the tools to move on. Think of past boyfriends and flames – do you still have feelings for them? Nope. You will ALWAYS move on and stop feeling for someone, and probably find someone else even better, even if it takes some time to happen.

    Saying that, this could be ‘the one’ and you’ll never have to deal with a break-up (which I really hope is the case cos he sounds like a keeper!) but until you accept that it might end and push that worry and fear out of your mind, you will never fully relax in the relationship, and often that is the true key to a happy, successful relationship. When you’re at one with both possible eventualities then you will stop feeling the need to do things to try and ‘keep’ him around that could end up pushing him away.

    It might help trying to find other outlets so your boyfriend isn’t the one coping with all your anxiety. Maybe ask a close friend to hang out with you a bit more often and discuss things with them. Or find a new hobby that can take you away from the situation for maybe an hour every week (then it also gives your boyfriend time to go and do something too). Sport is good for those endorphins – I started trampolining a few weeks back and it’s great!

    I hope that makes sense. It might be a bit of a shock to hear me say something like that but sometimes you need to face and accept the tough reality in your head so when you cope with things for real it isn’t as much of a shock or horrible experience because you believe in yourself that you will cope regardless. I’ve been through this as part of my CBT for cleithrophobia and I’m amazed at how far I’ve come as it even impacted my relationship fears and got rid of them. Worrying about everything is a huge part of anxiety and beating it is about acceptance. Remember you are stronger than you think πŸ™‚ x

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I am exactly the same! I absolutely hate it. I’m in a new relationship which makes me feel ever more scared! My boyfriend is absoluytely fantastic too and understands that sometimes I just have really bad days! I feel like I’m always asking him if we are okay though which makes me feel like all I talk about to him is our relationship. It makes me scared he’s gonna snap and finish the relationship but I know deep down he’s more understanding than that. But you still can’t help thinking that, right?

    Stay strong gal! I’m sure he cares about you so much that he doesn’t even notice! x

    Like

    • It’s horrible isn’t it! Good luck with your new relationship πŸ™‚ it’s hard but the truth is that relationships either work or they don’t, just try and enjoy it and if he can’t handle you he doesn’t deserve you πŸ™‚ he sounds like a good un though πŸ™‚
      You stay strong too and good luck! X

      Liked by 1 person

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