As I have spoken about before school life wasn’t exactly what I’d call fun. When I say this, I am aware that there are many people out there who have had it worse than me but speaking from my own experiences I will say that it is not something I would like to relive.
If I had the chance to go back ad do it all again one of the things, and perhaps the main thing I would change would be to have more of a backbone. Even I admit that when I was younger and started my senior school years, I wasn’t the most hardened and was overly sensitive to what people thought (or what I thought they thought) and how they acted towards and around me. This was always a sore point for me as I hated it, everyone used to say ‘stop being so sensitive’ or ‘you’re so sensitive’ if I ever got upset when anyone said something that I deemed, unnecessary or mean.
Surely though everyone’s different? So what if I was sensitive? Surely that should mean that people should respect my feelings more? I, personally always try to be more aware of what I am saying when around people who I know are more sensitive, or when I am talking about a sensitive topic.
I guess my point is that just because I was sensitive, does that mean I should have got picked on? It wasn’t just me either, those who were deemed unpopular and sensitive often got picked on more than those who weren’t.
I would like to say that those people didn’t have an effect on me, but, if I am being 100% honest they have. Along with my school experience and other experiences I got to a stage where I felt weak and unimportant, like nobody listens or cares, as a result I slowly became numb to my emotions and in order to stop myself getting hurt or upset by comments, I took on a persona. My persona became someone who I thought was the opposite to me, strong, brave, independent and most importantly at the time, someone who had a backbone. I kept building up my walls and defenses until I just felt nothing, instead it bothered me in a different way, I became so full of anger at the unfairness of these comments and angry at myself that I ended up becoming extremely anxious and depressed.
I don’t want to make this all about people who appear to be ‘sensitive’ as there are many who are strong because they have been through so much, however, maybe, just maybe, people will eventually think about what they are saying to others whether they appear strong or ‘sensitive’.
Everyone has their own story…