From my previous post on being in a relationship with anxiety (link here) I got many positive responses so I wanted to do a second post on a different topic which is really important in my relationship. Forgiveness.
When I say forgiveness I don’t just mean of your partner, I mean of yourself also. If you are like me and are lucky enough to have a partner who understands then this is such an important thing as more often than not my anxieties come out at him. He is more than well adapted now at being able to deal with these little outbursts but its the aftermath of these that can be the most important time.
During the mini arguments that I end up creating, I am in the moment, I am in full rant mode, I sound angry, I’m sometimes rude and sound like I’m blaming my partner for everything under the sun but no matter how long these last I have learnt that what I do afterwards is the thing that counts. The other day is a prime example. I got very frustrated with something and it all came out towards him, when in reality all he was doing was trying to fix the issue! Afterwards I sat on the sofa turned away from him and all I could think was F*ck, I’ve done it again! I felt so guilty about it I couldn’t bring myself to look at him I was so worried if I did the expression he’d have was anger. In the end I forced myself to look at him because I wanted to repair what I’d just caused and he just looked at me and held out his arm for a hug.
I was so grateful to him for doing this that I soon realised after that if he can forgive me every single time I need to forgive myself…..slightly…..thinking back the times we have had arguments caused by moi have mostly evolved around me being frustrated with a situation and therefore being frustrated at myself which makes me more angry and frustrated and can case bigger arguments. I have found that simply telling myself that yes, you feel guilty but getting angry at yourself makes the situation worse. You have caused this argument, now it’s time to repair it so you can move on and enjoy your day.
If you do this in your relationships try forgiving yourself and let me know what happens…