My 23rd Birthday | What I did

Hi all!

As of the 4th of July I became the ripe old age of 23. Yes. 23. I am not sure how this happened but there it is, 23 years old…

If i’m honest this year I wasn’t feeling particularly celebratory. I did not have the birthday feeling and haven’t been able to properly celebrate yet as my mum is recovering from an operation.

I have to say the night before wasn’t the best either but to avoid making this post negative I am going to skip over that and tell you that I kicked my birthday eve off by watching a Steven Seagal film with my parents. Steven Seagal films are some of my favourites, they are films I usually enjoy and had recently just bought the box set so on one went! My sister was out that evening and I have to say I actually really enjoyed spending time with just my parents, I don’t remember the last time I did that!

The morning came and a cup of tea and brioche were waiting for me, along with a balloon and present from my parents. I got some gorgeous white gold twisted small hoop earrings. I love them! My favourite length of earring is around that size, the drop earrings that hang just below your ear. I also got a mug with Guinea Pigs on which I absolutely love and have never seen this one in the collection before.

My dad dropped me round at my partners and I excitedly opened his present, the theme was ‘you only have one life’, him encouraging me to do things that I would like to do and set goals to work towards. I got a ‘Hot guys’ calender which has my name with a hot topless guy on every month, a gorgeous notebook and an experience day where I still need to decide what I’m going to do! Bless him ๐Ÿ™‚ <3.

For my birthday my partner and me took a day off work to go somewhere and, in true 23 year old style, I chose… THE ZOO! I love animals and haven’t been to the zoo in ages so off we went to Whipsnade zoo. The day was so lovely, we spent the whole day there and walked around every single animal enclosure there. Of course some of the animals we never got to see but the elephants were a highlight of the day as we were just in time to see them being fed. There were a lot of females and two younger elephants who came out holding each others tails! It was such a magical sight to see, and although that seems cliche, its always amazing to me how they interact with each other. The baby even found a ball to play with and started kicking it round the enclosure whilst running along after it! It was quite a sight to see.

Coming back from the zoo I decided that our dinner would be a picnic in the garden! A trip to Sainsburys later and we were armed and ready with all the picnic food we could manage.

Finally, to end the day I came home to see my sister and spent some time with her opening my present from her which included the Aladdin 3 film box set, a tribute to our favourite past time film when we were younger, a set of chokers and an elephant teddy to replace the one I lost at my previous job. She gave this teddy to me when I first went off to Uni so I ‘wouldn’t forget her’. I was gutted to not be able to get it back so she has kindly replaced it ๐Ÿ™‚

Overall it was such a good day and am looking forward to celebrating with my family when my mum has recovered.

What do you guys have planned for your birthdays?

Speak soon! x



Update & I’m back!

Hello all!

If i’m honest I never left… Quite frankly my job doesn’t allow me a lot of time to write my blogs and in the evenings I’m often at my partners. If i’m honest this is a rubbish excuse as he definitley wouldn’t mind me writing up a blog round his!

Anyway following on from my pathetic excuses, allow me to update you on the Optimistic Diaries!

After my last update there was a week or two where things were really good, me and my partner were going out a lot and, dare I say it, work was good. The past couple of weeks however, have been pretty tricky. Work wise I won’t say much, just know that I am enjoying the work but the atmosphere has been difficult. Although I am hopeful that this will be sorted eventually.

In other news my partner and I are looking for a house together! A big step going forward but an exciting one also. Although I can tell you that house hunting is one of the most frustrating and stressful activites ever! We have found a few houses we really like but when you phone up to book a viewing they tell you that the house has already gone…like two months ago! Although its been tough its also been positive as we have been able to get a bigger mortgage than we thought we would, which is always a nice feeling! The next problem is is that there is not a lot on the market at the moment and is currently at its lowest for 43 years! Trust us to look for something at this point… but! Being optimistic, there will be somehting out there, we just need to keep looking for the right thing.

Something thats also a bit more positive is that I am restarting my driving lessons soon! Yes, after this frustratingly long amount of time from constant moving around I will finally be starting them back up. Thhis is one of the most frustrating things as I just want it over and done with but unfortunately my confidence has never been good and thid does affect my driving. However, I am with a driving instructor that I have been with before and like so this is a definite positive in the situation.

I have to say during my time away, initially I didn’t miss blogging as much as I thought I would, however, as time went on I kept looking at things or thinkg of things where I thought ‘that would be good for my blog’. I am so pleased to be back and hope you are all well.

Speak soon! x

The Optimistic Diaries | Week 16

Hi all, 

This week I had my – almost – full first week at work, it was both interesting and scary. Interesting because it’s something new, I set up my own computer for my desk space, got my computer login and managed to go through a few files. However, I’m not necessarily loving it ATM, the files have been started so everything is everywhere and everything feels all jumbled up and confusing. The work itself isn’t scary I just worry that I’ll muck up. 

Since being optimistic is my theme for the year and I havnt been sticking to it in my weekly blog, let me try again… 

Firstly setting up a computer I actually really enjoyed, I felt quite technical and had a sense of achievement. The only thing missing is a splitter so my dual screen can work! As for the work I do find it interesting I just want to get going on a pile of fresh files that are my own and I am excited for when I can eventually do that ๐Ÿ™‚ as for worrying about mucking up, I feel as though everyone makes mistakes and is going to make mistakes at some point. The managers say as long as you don’t send something to the wrong person it can all be corrected! I know this is true and that you need to make mistakes to learn so I’m going to try and be more relaxed at work to try and enjoy it more. 

In other news I was sad this week that I am unable to get a tiny ten week old guinea pig I fell in love with. I know that I shouldn’t until I have my own place etc but he was so cute! It’s difficult to see the positives in this for me, however, deep down I know that it is Better that I do not get another one this minute! I guess that’s more optimistic? 

More recently this weekend has been lovely! On Friday my partner took me out for dinner. He wanted to take me to Bournemouth (aawwwwww) but by he time we got back it was a bit late! We ended up in Basingstoke in Pizza Express enjoying a lovely meal! Unfortunately there wasn’t anything on at the cinema, but I didn’t mind as I was really enjoying myself! I found the rest of the weekend to be very similar to this, my partner was so loving and caring and we just enjoyed each other’s company, walking round Basingstoke, sitting in the sun with my boys, reading in the garden etc. The only bit that was harder was leaving him. We had such a good time together this weekend that I just wanted it to continue! Again it’s a struggle to think of something optimistic in this situation, but I keep trying to remind myself that we have had a really good weekend, we will probably see each other later on this week AND it’s a bank holiday next week. Surely this counts for something?! 
I guess over the whole I am feeling more Ready for this week and we shall have to see what it brings ๐Ÿ™‚ I am looking forward to my first proper payday in a while and seeing both my boys and partner ๐Ÿ™‚ bring it on?

How are have you guys been? Are any of you doing a challenge or theme for the year? 

The Optimistic Diaries | Week 15

Hello all,

This is a later post as I did not put anything up due to it being Easter. I hope you enjoy!

This week has been one of those love hate weeks. I started my new job so throughout the week I’m not going to have a lot of updates. I can say though that my training went well and I met some wonderful people who I get on well with. I have also been struggling with it as I keep panicking that I am going to do something wrong which, I know at some point I will as who doesn’t?! I think it’s because of what happened at my previous two jobs that it is playing on my mind. Although I know those weren’t my fault, I feel as though it has impacted massively on my self-confidence (the little I had) at work. I feel as though it is unfair that I and those immediately around me have suffered and I don’t want the same thing to happen again. I am struggling to let myself just enjoy the now at work because of this even though I know I can do the job. As you have guessed I am struggling to stay positive but am covering it well!

In other news I have, of course, seen my boys every other evening this week and this weekend they had a good wash (not that they were happy with this) and got to meet a little female Guinea Pig as my partner was looking after someone’s whilst they moved. Percy loved this, he wanted to show off a lot! She wasn’t bothered by this and it surprised me that Diesel didn’t seem fussed either, he is usually the one to start fights between them and he barely battered an eyelid at her! Over the Easter weekend we did have a lovely surprise as my Aunt and Uncle surprised me and my sister all the way from Scotland! We rarely get to see them so it was really nice to spend time with them. We showed the Windsor and the long walk then Windsor park on the Sunday. We also all went for a lovely meal, my partner included, that ended up turning into a very amusing night with wine involved! It was sad they went back on the Monday but it was so nice to see them as it’s so rare! We had such a good time and I feel grateful that I could have more recent memories of them.

My week has mostly been good with my partner too, although my feelings towards myself have affected us this week as I have been giving him more of my anxious parts and because he tends to be my outlet I have started a couple of heated discussions with him. We have made up although I feel anxious that I’ll start some more with him without meaning too. Hopefully I can keep these more under control as I know he doesn’t deserve it! Again this hasn’t helped me to remain optimistic although if I think about it we are still together and he has put up with me for FOUR years this year! I’m not sure why either but there we go! Hopefully I will be able to think more positively after this week after reflecting on this.

I am hoping that the next week at work will get easier both from this weeks reflection and the fact that I will get into it more as I find my feet but we shall see. I am struggling to find something optimistic to say as I write this so I am going to try my best to reflect as much as I can.

How was your Easter? Did you do much?



The Optimistic Diaries | Week 14

Hello all!

This week has been a very positive, if not slightly scary week for me. On the whole it has been easier to stay positive, mainly because of the pure relief I feel! Things with my partner have also been really good recently and we seem to be on a steady wave of understanding where the other is at and what they need.

Monday was the day that brought with it the great relief. As you know Week 13 saw me get the results from an interview I did and they weren’t what I wanted to hear. Monday bought with it another opportunity for an interview for a place very close to where I live. Of I went and 40 minutes later emerged wondering whether or not that the time meant it was bad or good. The waiting game played out for the rest of the day until I got a phone call saying that they would really like to have me on board and was wondering whether I could start in a weeks time! I am so relieved to finally have at least something again! I have to admit I also felt very mixed as there are parts of not having a 9-5 job i will miss but I am more excited to be getting paid at the end of the month!

Tuesday came and I was still mulling my mixed feelings but was overall excited still. The day was pretty dull as I just did all the ironing and it was lloooonnggggg. The evening came and me and my dad went over to see my nan to sort something out for her, it was nice to see her as I havn’t done so in a while and she was pleased with my good news. On the way back me and my dad decided to have a McDonalds for dinner and I tried a burger I havn’t had before! I know I’m going all out… My dad also won a mini ice cream cone with the McDonalds monopoly and I got to finish off the cone…although that is my favourite bit! We ended up spending the evening watching a film together, an older Jean Claude van Damme one which actually I really enjoyed!

Wednesday morning was an early one for me, I covered the phones where my mum works as there was a big meeting so no one to do so. I did a few jobs for her and ended up trying to find some jewellery for my forward helix piercing. Overall a productive morning! The rest of the day passed without any eventfulness and I carried on with my usual routines. Thursday was also the same, nothing eventful to report.

Friday was a bit more exciting as I spent the majority of the day with my dad until he went off to work and I had a shower ready to go over to my partners that evening. I popped over to Sainsbury’s with my dad before I went as we went to chose some hair products for me. I have a love hate relationship with my hair, theres a lot of it but its very fine so doesn’t get much volume at all. It’s also very silky so anything you do to it doesn’t last very long unless its cemented in place! I ended up getting a gel spray and a gel so I will be testing those out. At my partners I saw my boys, who actually tolerated each other for once! After dinner we all went out to a lovely pub and had a really lovely evening.

Saturday was a busy day, me and my partner ended up car hunting and work clothes shopping. My shopping trip was pretty successful! I came away with some really nice tops to go with some trousers I ordered off of ASOS. Zara have some lovely stuff in at the moment… My partners car shopping was successful but he isn’t sure he is going to get a new one just yet, but it was nice to find one he liked. After dinner I tried on all my tops, they all fit, and me and him played Alien Isolation on Xbox before watching Kung Fu Panda 3 and falling asleep.

Sunday was such a beautiful day that we spent all of it in the back garden in the sunshine. I cleaned out my boys and they had a good two hours munching grass and enjoying the weather with cuddles in between of course! The rest of the time was spent relaxing and me thinking about my first day at my new job…EEEEKKKKKK!

It has been easier to be more positive but the relief that the week brought with it trumps all else at the moment. I obviously have worries about the new job etc but right now they are easy to deal with.

I hope you are all good.

Anxiety vs Logic | The ongoing debate

Hello all!

Yesterday I saw a Thomas Sanders video which featured him personifying the debate between ‘logic’ and ‘anxiety’ and thought that this is what happens to me on a daily basis and recently I’d like to think that my ‘logic’ side has been consistently winning…for how long I don’t know, but so far it has been a useful tool when dealing with anxious thoughts so I thought I would share it.

When you are anxious, or if you suffer from anxiety, you will instantly assume the worst and overthink/play the situation at hand whether it be a simple decision such as what earrings to wear or a much more difficult decision like what car to buy. Now, I am going to try and keep this post more light hearted rather than enter into a deep conversation, hence why I chose those examples. However, this does not detract from my point that logic can help anxious thoughts.

There have been many a time…many, many, many a time over the past years where my anxious thoughts have overridden my brain and ruined either the situation I am in and/or made me feel even worse. Recently I have been trying to out argue this side of myself with logic and, so far, I would say it has really helped. For example, when choosing a pair of earrings sometimes the sheer quantity of the amount you may have could make you anxious, the event, people around you, what you are wearing, whether they will be comfortable all come into play and just fuel the anxious part of your mind. Often such a ย small decision such as earrings becomes a mammoth task you have to overcome and, if you are anything like me, often a vote from those around me is what forms my decision. For me personally, this decision would be heavily affected by those around me. For example, if my parents had bought me one set of earrings and my sister another I would feel bad for that person if I didn’t wear them. This may sound stupid but that is what happens and this would then become a fight in my mind over who’s I had worn recently etc.

*breathe breathe breathe*

Queue LOGIC. Both of these sets of earrings are ones which I really love and realistically the people who I love know that I love both pairs of earrings regardless of what earrings I decide to wear on that day. Also I think its safe to say that, unless you have two lobe piercings, you can only wear one pair which is logic in itself. You see?

I have found that breaking these decisions down and constantly going over the process helps to quieten the anxious part of me and help me actually make a decision. Constantly repeating this process every time I become anxious has really helped me to control it more. Whilst this may not be the most useful example I hope you can see where I am coming from. Anxiety can have a point in itself, it just doesn’t put them across reasonably. Logic, and eventually reality, help to simplifyย the point that anxiety is trying to make and tone it down, that way you feel less anxious and have dealt with the thought/situation effectively.

The Optimistic Diaries | Week 13

Hello all,

Week 13 was a difficult week. There were many ups and downs and in the moment it was hard to really find something positive in the downs, however, hind sight is a wonderful thing and I feel proud that I can now think back and come up with some!

Monday and Tuesday were pretty standard days for me, I spent time doing chores and bits with my dad and I enjoyed spending time with him even if I did feel like his little minion following him around! I also saw my boys a lot as giving Diesel medicine when he didn’t want to have it proved to be tricky! Saying this I didn’t take no for an answer so I am pleased to report he had all his medicine when needed.

Wednesday was the start of a down for me as the feedback I got from a job interview was not the way I wanted it to go and it made me feel very down and useless. I had a bit of a cry and got a big hug from my dad which was, looking back on it a lovely moment. He also managed to cheer me up and put things into perspective for me. However because I felt really rubbish Wednesday was also the start of me feeling insecure in my relationship, I still don’t understand why my partner is with me and this week I have slowly been pushing him away. The only positive I could find at the time was that the blog post I did ended up being well liked which surprised me as it was a book review so if you are one of the ones who read that then thank you!

Thursday was a better day but I still struggled and felt pretty low although I managed to see my boys in the evening and get them out for some grass munching! Seeing them always makes me feel better and calmer in general so this helped.

Friday came and me and my partner had decided to go on a date night, meal and cinema, the standard date! We got dressed up and ended up having a long conversation about us and the way we felt which definitely helped to clear the air and made us both feel better. The night ended up not going to plan as the film times were no good and Nando’s was so packed we ended up going to Pizza Express. I did surprise both me and my partner though as on the way back I spoke about how lovely the evening was as even though nothing had gone to plan it was a lovely evening and we decided to do what we had originally planned the next night!

Saturday came and we gave the boys a good clean out and found a way to have them both out at the same time (they fight)! The evening again, turned out to be lovely, we saw the film Life, which was brutal but I am pleased I saw it. Whilst discussing the film we waited for our Nando’s takeaway and enjoyed it snuggled up watching yet another film in the form of Kung Fu Panda, a cult film in our relationship.

Sunday was again a lovely day, we decided that because the weather was nice we would go for a picnic and a canal walk. We sat for ages enjoying the sun and the food we got before finally mooching along the canal. It was such a lovely day, chilled and calm yet it felt like we actually did something.

So there we go guys, a more in-depth version of my week! I am definitely feeling more positive after the weekend so I am hoping there will be good news to update you on in week 14! I hope you are all doing well and enjoying the weather.


The Optimistic Diaries | Week 12

Hello all! 

These week I am proud to announce has been a more positive one ๐Ÿ™‚ the only bad thing has been that one of my boys had a vet appointment and is on antibiotics for a week, however, I’m not viewing this as negative as he’s getting better ๐Ÿ™‚ 

I had a job interview Friday which went well so I’ll have to wait until mid week to find out whether I have it or not so fingers crossed! 

The weekend saw me and my partner get a few dvd’s including the box set of Michael Macintyre and I LOVE him! We have spent a long time laughing at his dvds so far. 

We also went out for Mother’s Day and had a nice walk along the beach with some lovely weather to accompany us! Speaking of which the weather has started to get sunnier and I don’t normally like hotter weather but I am feeling pretty summery at the moment! 

I have felt more positive this week, it’s been easier to put things into perspective and think logically about things which has helped to be more positive about things. There have been a lot of things that have frustrated me recently but I’m trying to put them aside to focus on what’s happening on the day. 

I hope your year is going ok so far! 

My view on body image.

‘Am I healthy for my body type?’

Hello all,

Recently I have been seeing a lot of accounts, Instagram and Twitter, talking about body image and mental health. There have been some embracing curves, some showing off their toned physiques and others sharing some very hard truths about their struggles with body image.

All these accounts have got me thinking about social media and how body image is portrayed. My personal belief is that everyone has different body types and all should be embraced, as long as they are healthy. I would like to point out that although I am definitely pro this point, I struggle with my own body image and am definitely in the majority that looks at models and fitness accounts and thinks ‘if only’. I would like to point out that I am aware that there are different causes for eating disorders and body image struggles, I am merely focusing on social media due to its prominence in our lives.

As much as I enjoy reading different people’s stories and journeys it really saddens me that people will voice their opinion in the wrong way. Yes, everyone is entitled to an opinion and it is, in most circumstances, good that everyone has their own mind but the comments people make on accounts or images based on body image really truly shocked me. An account I follow features a curvy girl, hips, boobs and bum, a Kim Kardashian type figure, the desirable hourglass. Yet the comments I saw featured the words fat, unhealthy, lazy and disgusting. Flip this over to another account featuring a girl documenting her struggle with anorexia and people are telling her that she needs to be a better role model like she used to be, she needs to eat more and stop struggling against her feeds, she’s too skinny. WHAT??? I am so disappointed in the people posting these comments that it genuinely made me angry and upset. I started thinking about my body image and my thoughts.

I am a petite 5,2-3 and have an hourglass figure. I have boobs and smaller waist, bigger hips, and not a massive bum. There are, of course, things I really want to change, mostly tone up my stomach and bum so I feel more comfortable in myself. I am not fat but I am by no means toned, yet it has taken me a long time to truly believe this myself. It is then it struck me that for me and my body I am bigger than I used to be and than I have been. This just means that I need to put more work into my body and do more exercise. It then of course dawned on me that instead of promoting a certain body type and portraying a version of ‘healthy’ the media and clothing brands should be portraying healthy figures as we all come in different shapes and sizes.

For those who are struggling with their body image because they think they are too fat or too thin, look at yourself and ask ‘am I healthy for my body type?’ That is the question we should be thinking about. My sister for example is taller, skinny and is pretty much straight with a good bum. Some people have said she’s too skinny, however, she has always been like this, she eats, she loves chocolate and is perfectly healthy for her and her body type.

My point being is that there are girls and men alike who are naturally more curvy, bigger, smaller, skinnier, taller, and quite frankly are body types we can’t have. For example I will never be able to be my sisters body type, I am simply not built like that, although I wish I had her bum it is just no possible for me to become as skinny as she is and if I ever could I think I would look ridiculous! Just the same as she can’t magically move her hip bones to make them similar to mine. IT JUST WON’T HAPPEN!

Of course we all have days where we look at ourselves and thing ERGH! but I want you to go away from this post and think ‘am I healthy for me?’. If the answer is yes then good! If the answer is no then think sensibly about what you need to do, do you need to eat more? do you need to balance your diet more? exercise? It’s important to recognize what you need to do for you, not what is portrayed in the media.

For me my fitness journey begins with a small amount of cardio then toning up the areas I wish could be better for my figure. I eat a balanced diet but do snack a lot so I will try to cut as many snacks out of my daily routine. I also like pizza way too much so that will be monitored too! Maybe I’ll buy one instead of getting a Dominoes ๐Ÿ˜‰

What do you guys think of this? Do you agree?

The Optimistic Diaries| Week 11

Hello all,

I hope your week as been ok. I can’t believe I am on week 11 already! I feel as though it was only a few days ago that I decided to launch this series on my blog! Overall this week hasn’t been too bad, although I have struggled more to stay positive.

The beginning of the week was pretty good, I saw my boys and they had a good clean out!

I have also been cooking this week and have made a Corned Beef Hash, Jelly and a Bacon and Broccoli Macaroni. I was pretty pleased with myself!

Mid week came the onset of the usual self doubt and life doubt in general and although the week in general wasn’t bad I did struggle with staying positive. I tried to enjoy things as much as I could, seeing my partner and boys a couple of evenings and spending more time with my family in the evenings.

The weekend wasn’t too bad, I spent it with my partner at his and Friday evening we went to the pub with his parents which was fun! Saturday evening I had dinner with my family as my mum made a dinner for a St. Patrick’s day tribute, mostly for my granddad as he was Irish. The meal was lovely, beef cooked in Guinness with mashed potato with greens and spring onion (I can’t remember what the Irish name for this was…) and a Mango and White Chocolate homemade cheesecake for dessert!

Sunday I ended up needed an emergency trip to the shops for some jeans! I had a moment in the dressing room where I realised that I should really start exercising again…yes I did do a post saying I will be starting a regime a few months ago… no I never started it… As a result of my changing room incident I have vowed to start which I am hoping to do tomorrow once I get my weights. I have already started drinking more water with lemon slices so hopefully this time I will be able to keep you updated!

What have you guys been up too?