Update & I’m back!

Hello all!

If i’m honest I never left… Quite frankly my job doesn’t allow me a lot of time to write my blogs and in the evenings I’m often at my partners. If i’m honest this is a rubbish excuse as he definitley wouldn’t mind me writing up a blog round his!

Anyway following on from my pathetic excuses, allow me to update you on the Optimistic Diaries!

After my last update there was a week or two where things were really good, me and my partner were going out a lot and, dare I say it, work was good. The past couple of weeks however, have been pretty tricky. Work wise I won’t say much, just know that I am enjoying the work but the atmosphere has been difficult. Although I am hopeful that this will be sorted eventually.

In other news my partner and I are looking for a house together! A big step going forward but an exciting one also. Although I can tell you that house hunting is one of the most frustrating and stressful activites ever! We have found a few houses we really like but when you phone up to book a viewing they tell you that the house has already gone…like two months ago! Although its been tough its also been positive as we have been able to get a bigger mortgage than we thought we would, which is always a nice feeling! The next problem is is that there is not a lot on the market at the moment and is currently at its lowest for 43 years! Trust us to look for something at this point… but! Being optimistic, there will be somehting out there, we just need to keep looking for the right thing.

Something thats also a bit more positive is that I am restarting my driving lessons soon! Yes, after this frustratingly long amount of time from constant moving around I will finally be starting them back up. Thhis is one of the most frustrating things as I just want it over and done with but unfortunately my confidence has never been good and thid does affect my driving. However, I am with a driving instructor that I have been with before and like so this is a definite positive in the situation.

I have to say during my time away, initially I didn’t miss blogging as much as I thought I would, however, as time went on I kept looking at things or thinkg of things where I thought ‘that would be good for my blog’. I am so pleased to be back and hope you are all well.

Speak soon! x

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The Optimistic Diaries | Week 15

Hello all,

This is a later post as I did not put anything up due to it being Easter. I hope you enjoy!

This week has been one of those love hate weeks. I started my new job so throughout the week I’m not going to have a lot of updates. I can say though that my training went well and I met some wonderful people who I get on well with. I have also been struggling with it as I keep panicking that I am going to do something wrong which, I know at some point I will as who doesn’t?! I think it’s because of what happened at my previous two jobs that it is playing on my mind. Although I know those weren’t my fault, I feel as though it has impacted massively on my self-confidence (the little I had) at work. I feel as though it is unfair that I and those immediately around me have suffered and I don’t want the same thing to happen again. I am struggling to let myself just enjoy the now at work because of this even though I know I can do the job. As you have guessed I am struggling to stay positive but am covering it well!


In other news I have, of course, seen my boys every other evening this week and this weekend they had a good wash (not that they were happy with this) and got to meet a little female Guinea Pig as my partner was looking after someone’s whilst they moved. Percy loved this, he wanted to show off a lot! She wasn’t bothered by this and it surprised me that Diesel didn’t seem fussed either, he is usually the one to start fights between them and he barely battered an eyelid at her! Over the Easter weekend we did have a lovely surprise as my Aunt and Uncle surprised me and my sister all the way from Scotland! We rarely get to see them so it was really nice to spend time with them. We showed the Windsor and the long walk then Windsor park on the Sunday. We also all went for a lovely meal, my partner included, that ended up turning into a very amusing night with wine involved! It was sad they went back on the Monday but it was so nice to see them as it’s so rare! We had such a good time and I feel grateful that I could have more recent memories of them.



My week has mostly been good with my partner too, although my feelings towards myself have affected us this week as I have been giving him more of my anxious parts and because he tends to be my outlet I have started a couple of heated discussions with him. We have made up although I feel anxious that I’ll start some more with him without meaning too. Hopefully I can keep these more under control as I know he doesn’t deserve it! Again this hasn’t helped me to remain optimistic although if I think about it we are still together and he has put up with me for FOUR years this year! I’m not sure why either but there we go! Hopefully I will be able to think more positively after this week after reflecting on this.


I am hoping that the next week at work will get easier both from this weeks reflection and the fact that I will get into it more as I find my feet but we shall see. I am struggling to find something optimistic to say as I write this so I am going to try my best to reflect as much as I can.

How was your Easter? Did you do much?

 

 

The Optimistic Diaries | Week 14

Hello all!

This week has been a very positive, if not slightly scary week for me. On the whole it has been easier to stay positive, mainly because of the pure relief I feel! Things with my partner have also been really good recently and we seem to be on a steady wave of understanding where the other is at and what they need.

Monday was the day that brought with it the great relief. As you know Week 13 saw me get the results from an interview I did and they weren’t what I wanted to hear. Monday bought with it another opportunity for an interview for a place very close to where I live. Of I went and 40 minutes later emerged wondering whether or not that the time meant it was bad or good. The waiting game played out for the rest of the day until I got a phone call saying that they would really like to have me on board and was wondering whether I could start in a weeks time! I am so relieved to finally have at least something again! I have to admit I also felt very mixed as there are parts of not having a 9-5 job i will miss but I am more excited to be getting paid at the end of the month!

Tuesday came and I was still mulling my mixed feelings but was overall excited still. The day was pretty dull as I just did all the ironing and it was lloooonnggggg. The evening came and me and my dad went over to see my nan to sort something out for her, it was nice to see her as I havn’t done so in a while and she was pleased with my good news. On the way back me and my dad decided to have a McDonalds for dinner and I tried a burger I havn’t had before! I know I’m going all out… My dad also won a mini ice cream cone with the McDonalds monopoly and I got to finish off the cone…although that is my favourite bit! We ended up spending the evening watching a film together, an older Jean Claude van Damme one which actually I really enjoyed!


Wednesday morning was an early one for me, I covered the phones where my mum works as there was a big meeting so no one to do so. I did a few jobs for her and ended up trying to find some jewellery for my forward helix piercing. Overall a productive morning! The rest of the day passed without any eventfulness and I carried on with my usual routines. Thursday was also the same, nothing eventful to report.

Friday was a bit more exciting as I spent the majority of the day with my dad until he went off to work and I had a shower ready to go over to my partners that evening. I popped over to Sainsbury’s with my dad before I went as we went to chose some hair products for me. I have a love hate relationship with my hair, theres a lot of it but its very fine so doesn’t get much volume at all. It’s also very silky so anything you do to it doesn’t last very long unless its cemented in place! I ended up getting a gel spray and a gel so I will be testing those out. At my partners I saw my boys, who actually tolerated each other for once! After dinner we all went out to a lovely pub and had a really lovely evening.


Saturday was a busy day, me and my partner ended up car hunting and work clothes shopping. My shopping trip was pretty successful! I came away with some really nice tops to go with some trousers I ordered off of ASOS. Zara have some lovely stuff in at the moment… My partners car shopping was successful but he isn’t sure he is going to get a new one just yet, but it was nice to find one he liked. After dinner I tried on all my tops, they all fit, and me and him played Alien Isolation on Xbox before watching Kung Fu Panda 3 and falling asleep.


Sunday was such a beautiful day that we spent all of it in the back garden in the sunshine. I cleaned out my boys and they had a good two hours munching grass and enjoying the weather with cuddles in between of course! The rest of the time was spent relaxing and me thinking about my first day at my new job…EEEEKKKKKK!



It has been easier to be more positive but the relief that the week brought with it trumps all else at the moment. I obviously have worries about the new job etc but right now they are easy to deal with.

I hope you are all good.

The Optimistic Diaries | Week 13

Hello all,

Week 13 was a difficult week. There were many ups and downs and in the moment it was hard to really find something positive in the downs, however, hind sight is a wonderful thing and I feel proud that I can now think back and come up with some!

Monday and Tuesday were pretty standard days for me, I spent time doing chores and bits with my dad and I enjoyed spending time with him even if I did feel like his little minion following him around! I also saw my boys a lot as giving Diesel medicine when he didn’t want to have it proved to be tricky! Saying this I didn’t take no for an answer so I am pleased to report he had all his medicine when needed.

Wednesday was the start of a down for me as the feedback I got from a job interview was not the way I wanted it to go and it made me feel very down and useless. I had a bit of a cry and got a big hug from my dad which was, looking back on it a lovely moment. He also managed to cheer me up and put things into perspective for me. However because I felt really rubbish Wednesday was also the start of me feeling insecure in my relationship, I still don’t understand why my partner is with me and this week I have slowly been pushing him away. The only positive I could find at the time was that the blog post I did ended up being well liked which surprised me as it was a book review so if you are one of the ones who read that then thank you!


Thursday was a better day but I still struggled and felt pretty low although I managed to see my boys in the evening and get them out for some grass munching! Seeing them always makes me feel better and calmer in general so this helped.



Friday came and me and my partner had decided to go on a date night, meal and cinema, the standard date! We got dressed up and ended up having a long conversation about us and the way we felt which definitely helped to clear the air and made us both feel better. The night ended up not going to plan as the film times were no good and Nando’s was so packed we ended up going to Pizza Express. I did surprise both me and my partner though as on the way back I spoke about how lovely the evening was as even though nothing had gone to plan it was a lovely evening and we decided to do what we had originally planned the next night!

Saturday came and we gave the boys a good clean out and found a way to have them both out at the same time (they fight)! The evening again, turned out to be lovely, we saw the film Life, which was brutal but I am pleased I saw it. Whilst discussing the film we waited for our Nando’s takeaway and enjoyed it snuggled up watching yet another film in the form of Kung Fu Panda, a cult film in our relationship.



Sunday was again a lovely day, we decided that because the weather was nice we would go for a picnic and a canal walk. We sat for ages enjoying the sun and the food we got before finally mooching along the canal. It was such a lovely day, chilled and calm yet it felt like we actually did something.


So there we go guys, a more in-depth version of my week! I am definitely feeling more positive after the weekend so I am hoping there will be good news to update you on in week 14! I hope you are all doing well and enjoying the weather.

 

My view on body image.

‘Am I healthy for my body type?’

Hello all,

Recently I have been seeing a lot of accounts, Instagram and Twitter, talking about body image and mental health. There have been some embracing curves, some showing off their toned physiques and others sharing some very hard truths about their struggles with body image.

All these accounts have got me thinking about social media and how body image is portrayed. My personal belief is that everyone has different body types and all should be embraced, as long as they are healthy. I would like to point out that although I am definitely pro this point, I struggle with my own body image and am definitely in the majority that looks at models and fitness accounts and thinks ‘if only’. I would like to point out that I am aware that there are different causes for eating disorders and body image struggles, I am merely focusing on social media due to its prominence in our lives.

As much as I enjoy reading different people’s stories and journeys it really saddens me that people will voice their opinion in the wrong way. Yes, everyone is entitled to an opinion and it is, in most circumstances, good that everyone has their own mind but the comments people make on accounts or images based on body image really truly shocked me. An account I follow features a curvy girl, hips, boobs and bum, a Kim Kardashian type figure, the desirable hourglass. Yet the comments I saw featured the words fat, unhealthy, lazy and disgusting. Flip this over to another account featuring a girl documenting her struggle with anorexia and people are telling her that she needs to be a better role model like she used to be, she needs to eat more and stop struggling against her feeds, she’s too skinny. WHAT??? I am so disappointed in the people posting these comments that it genuinely made me angry and upset. I started thinking about my body image and my thoughts.

I am a petite 5,2-3 and have an hourglass figure. I have boobs and smaller waist, bigger hips, and not a massive bum. There are, of course, things I really want to change, mostly tone up my stomach and bum so I feel more comfortable in myself. I am not fat but I am by no means toned, yet it has taken me a long time to truly believe this myself. It is then it struck me that for me and my body I am bigger than I used to be and than I have been. This just means that I need to put more work into my body and do more exercise. It then of course dawned on me that instead of promoting a certain body type and portraying a version of ‘healthy’ the media and clothing brands should be portraying healthy figures as we all come in different shapes and sizes.

For those who are struggling with their body image because they think they are too fat or too thin, look at yourself and ask ‘am I healthy for my body type?’ That is the question we should be thinking about. My sister for example is taller, skinny and is pretty much straight with a good bum. Some people have said she’s too skinny, however, she has always been like this, she eats, she loves chocolate and is perfectly healthy for her and her body type.

My point being is that there are girls and men alike who are naturally more curvy, bigger, smaller, skinnier, taller, and quite frankly are body types we can’t have. For example I will never be able to be my sisters body type, I am simply not built like that, although I wish I had her bum it is just no possible for me to become as skinny as she is and if I ever could I think I would look ridiculous! Just the same as she can’t magically move her hip bones to make them similar to mine. IT JUST WON’T HAPPEN!

Of course we all have days where we look at ourselves and thing ERGH! but I want you to go away from this post and think ‘am I healthy for me?’. If the answer is yes then good! If the answer is no then think sensibly about what you need to do, do you need to eat more? do you need to balance your diet more? exercise? It’s important to recognize what you need to do for you, not what is portrayed in the media.

For me my fitness journey begins with a small amount of cardio then toning up the areas I wish could be better for my figure. I eat a balanced diet but do snack a lot so I will try to cut as many snacks out of my daily routine. I also like pizza way too much so that will be monitored too! Maybe I’ll buy one instead of getting a Dominoes 😉

What do you guys think of this? Do you agree?

The Optimistic Diaries | Week 9

Hello all,

Week 9 started off more positive. I planned the main job I wanted to achieve for that day and accomplished the ones I set out to do! I did do a more in depth blog pot on this which you can see here.

I found the end of the week a lot harder as I moved back home Saturday. Packing everything up obviously isn’t fun but it was hard too as I almost felt as though I had failed being able to live my own life. I felt as though I wasn’t good enough and also felt like a burden on both my parents and my partners parents as they said my two little guinea pigs could stay in their garden.



Despite it being pretty rough (and feeling rough!) I am still trying to force myself to think on the positive side and although it has been much harder I have managed to find some. First off I have managed to have a clear out of my stuff and usually I find clear out’s hard as I get attached to things. I was pretty proud of myself as I managed to chuck a fair few bits out and set separate my attachment issues! I’m also pleased that my boys are staying with my partner as although I know he’d prefer not to he looks after them very well and I know they will be well looked after! Another positive I found is that I will be able to spend more time with my parents and sister which will be nice.

I am trying to stay positive and find good points in everything and was pleased that I could find a few good things in something bad.


How have your weeks been? Hope you are all ok.

 

My BIG March 2017 Goal

“Look for something positive in each day, even if some days you have to look a little harder” – Quote from IQ Mag, does not have a name.

Hello all!

For the past week or so I have been getting ready to move back home. Yes I know…again…but unfortunately things are just not working out the way I want them too. It was put to me the other day that in a way I set myself up to fail sometimes as I expect things to be bigger than they are, or I expect myself to already to be able to do these things etc. What I mean by this is that I expect myself to be further along or for something to go a certain way so when it either doesn’t or I can’t fulfill something I am instantly disappointed.

Every morning for the past week I have been waking up and thinking about what needs to be done on that day and what I can leave for later. For example today I planned that I would clean my little boys out before the move so that they are all clean when they also move with me. This was an event in itself as, whilst I was cleaning the second hutch out my little Percy fell behind the hutch. I spent the next hour lead on the sofa with him as he was shaken but luckily not hurt and was going for all the cuddles he could get out of me! It dawned on me that you can’t plan for something to go a certain way/expect it to as there are so many factors out of your control.

Percy getting his cuddles in!
Thus from this point on I shall wake up in the morning and plan the things I need to get done, starting with the most important first. However, whilst I plan these things I will remind myself that I may not be able to do them all and actually I my need a little help here and there. This March I will not set myself up to fail (or try not to anyway!). Instead I shall take things as they come and not expect too much of both myself or the situation. In addition I will continue with my ‘optimism challenge’ and try to look at the positives.

Have you guys got any plans for March? What do you want to achieve this year?

The Optimistic Diaries | Week 8

Hello all,

Week 8 has been a mediocre week, pretty chilled as well as being relatively productive. I have enjoyed doing the little things this week and have actually really enjoyed spending the time on my own as well as face timing my partner and best friend. There have been a few moments where I have thought ‘what’s the point?’ but overall I have found the joy in little things such as finishing my book and doing some colouring.

The start of the week I started to sort out all the junk in my room ready for the move back home at the end of the week. I got rid of a lot of old beauty stuff and was pretty proud of myself as for some reason I get attached to things easily so getting rid of stuff is hard! I didn’t do as well with my clothes but I am determined to go back through them and get rid of more were I can. I also managed to finish a double spread colouring pattern and I really like the way it turned out. I also finished my book American Psycho which I really enjoyed but found it very different to the crime novels I normally read which felt good to read something different to what I normally do.

Mid week I also treated myself to a Lush bath and used the twilight bath bomb as it is one of my favorites!


Since I am moving at the end of Feb I won’t be with my boys 24/7 so I have been making the most of my time with them. There have been a few days this week where they have wanted a lot of cuddles, which I am more than happy to give! Below is a picture of Diesel, I tucked him up in my hoodie and stroked his head and he actually went off to sleep! I felt pretty good about this as it is rare that Guinea Pigs shut their eyes as naturally they are very alert. I thought he looked soooo cute and luckily I managed to get a picture!

One of my favourite moments with my other Guinea Pig, Percy is when I was led on my bed and he came over and cuddled up to me, he himself went off to sleep for a bit but I never got chance to get a picture!

The end of my week was slightly less positive as my skin isn’t amazing at the moment, I’m assuming this is due to stress but we shall see! I did however, see my friend and enjoy some cups of tea and donuts….ooppsss! In addition I also managed to finish another colouring pattern, this time a more simple one but I liked the end result nonetheless. I did the majority of this whilst watching re-runs of Police Interceptors which I have always enjoyed.

My partner came to visit me Sunday so this rounded off my week nicely as it was lovely to see him which felt really positive.

Week 9 will give me a challenge with moving back home as I feel pretty mixed about this, however I am trying to stay positive about it as it will mean I can see my family and partner more. It will also hopefully give me the opportunity to progress in my career.

I hope your week has been good and I wish you all the best for this week!

The Optimistic Diaries | Week 6

Hello all,

This week I have found it easier to think of the positives in things. My week started off fairly well, on Monday I managed to conquer a walk into town and get myself a Costa for the journey back. I had a Chai Latte (my favourite) and I even got one of the Christmas cups, a super cute penguin!


Tuesday-Thursday evening I was alone as my landlord was out and whilst I thought I’d be bored and have no one to talk to I actually really enjoyed watching re runs of police interceptors and other police shows whilst taking part in blogger chats on twitter and even face timing my best friend for a few hours.

Wednesday I did feel less positive but I saw one of my old work colleagues for some tea and a good old chat which perked me up. For the rest of the week I focused on my blog posts and come Friday I was really looking forward to the weekend as My partner came to visit for our Valentines celebrations as we won’t see each other on the actual day. We went out for a lovely dinner and I actually really enjoyed getting dressed up to go out. Sunday saw us on the sofa with a bunch of good films! Sunday started off well with a bacon sarnie, cooked by yours truly which was followed by quite literally the day of rest, however, we did cook a lovely dinner together in the evening, consisting of Duck, potatoes and veg. Yum!


Those were the positives of my week, what did you get up too?

A Little Piece of me…

Today I received my last Birchbox before I ended my subscription with them and in it was a little card with a quote that said,

“You don’t write because you want to say something, you write because you have something to say” – F. Scott Fitzgerald. 

I feel as though in some of my more recent posts I have forgotten why I started this blog in the first place! I wanted to be honest in the way I felt about things to show people that its ok to have bad days, its ok to feel vulnerable and even though it feels wrong to be so that doesn’t mean you are being silly or weak etc. I started it because I wish someone had told me that before I learnt it myself! I feel as though recently I have been hiding and skimming over what I’ve actually been feeling or wanting to say and just writing for the sake of writing. The last couple of weeks have been pretty rubbish and although my new years theme is optimism that doesn’t mean I have to sugar coat everything!

From now on I am going to write my post as I intended them to be written and how they started off being written, honestly.